The end has come

After keeping my blog for 3 years with various changes to it and chnages to the title I have decided I will no longer keep my blog. I have toyed with the idea for a while about stopping bloggin but that was always because I was unhappy with people copying my blog posts etc however now I have come to a time in my life where I am so busy and dont have time to keep my blog. I have also found now I am running out of ideas and things to write about. My asthma and health no longer takes up all my life and instead I am living life again. I have my freedom back and am going to live every moment I can.

I no longer get bothered by my asthma like I used to. I still get flare ups one of which i have just come out of but I was able to ride it out myself and didnt feel the need to blog about it. I think this is a very telling sign about my attitude to asthma where before I became consumed by it and now I dont let it bother me and just accept it has happened and get on with it.

I am not going to keep this blog anymore because I have nothing interesting to say now. All my posts were beomcing very similar and I didnt like this and it no longer served its purpose. I wanted to show people with this blog that despite havign brittle asthma you can still live life even with the ups and downs. Well now my asthma I would say is no longer brittle and I have very few downs so the blog has served its purpose and now it is time to end.

But I am going to leave you all with a statement that has got me through times when I felt like giving up….

Determination: what lies in front of you and what lies behind you is nothing compared with what lies with in you!

 

Day 4: Your parents

I dont know where I would be without my Dad. I have always been a Daddy’s girl. even when we spent years apart there was still a bond which cold never be broken. he knows exactly the right thing to say and when. he knows just by how I answer the phone how I am feeling or if something is up. He is always there for me and supports me.

Whether I am up or down he will be there. He came all around the world to come and get me out of hospital because he didnt want me to be on my own.

I honestly dont know where I would be without him. I cant go for more than 2 days without talking to him.

To me he is the best father in the world…we have our ups and downs but he is my Dad and will always be there.

 

Day 3: Your first love

Not much to say except they know who they are!!

it should have been oh so different.

 

Day 2: Meaning behind your blog name

I think if you have read my blog for a while I have described my blog name before. But basically my old rugby team gave me the nickname TUX after the penguin in Toy Story who wheezes all the time and this resemebled me as I was a total wheeze bag back then…although it did not stop me playing rugby or at least trying to.

So TUX stuck and I am still known by some as TUX. My blog used to be wheezy tux but as my asthma has settled and my health generally has got better I decided to drop the wheezy so became Just Tux!

 

Day 1: Introduce, recent picture of yourself, 15 interesting facts

This is me with my best friends dog cassie both looking slightly exhausted after going for a hike!

So 15 interesting facts:

1) I am ambidextrous but tend to write with my right hand but have a lot of left handed tendancies!

2) I love golf…I eat sleep and speak golf..it is my life.

3) I can leg press 120kg doing 10 reps…but 120kg is is also my 10 rep max…i cant press 130kg

4) Not wanting to jinx the situation but it has been almost a year since my last hospital admission.

5) I am a certified sports coach in six different sports- 2 of which I have never actually played or done for a team (cricket and swimming) the other sports i can coach are football, hockey and rugby and athletics

6) I have 5 siblings and 25 first cousins!

7) I have one leg shorter than the other by 2 inches!

8) I am a real daddy’s girl and the spit of him

9) I own my flat and have done for a year now.

10) I am overly ambitious and always want to be the best I can be

11) I am totally OCD and even have my socks lined up in sections in my sock drawer depending on their type and what i wear them for.

12) I will only play with a bridgstone or titleist golf ball and it has to be marked in a special way otherwise I wont use it.

13) I hate potato….if i have a baked tattie it needs lots of cheese so i dont taste the potato.

14) I used to play for fife county junior golf team and made the fringes of the east of scotland golf team!

15) I cannot rest….i dont sit still and wont rest up hence why I am always broken!

So thats me…it was hard to think up things that were semi intersting. I never really know what tp put for them…but hopfully you will have found it interesting and maybe learnt something new!

 

30 Day challenge!

Ok so I stole this idea from someone who I would like to call a very good friend and someone who I hope to catch up with again very soon.

Each day has a theme for your post … today is day zero, so tomorrow I start the challenge proper!

Day 1: Introduce, recent picture of yourself, 15 interesting facts

Day 2: Meaning behind your blog name

Day 3: Your first love

Day 4: Your parents

Day 5: A song to match your mood

Day 6: A picture of something that makes you happy

Day 7: Favorite movies

Day 8: A place you’ve traveled to

Day 9: A favorite picture of your best friend

Day 10: Something you’re afraid of

Day 11: Favorite tv shows

Day 12: Something you don’t leave the house without

Day 13: Goals

Day 14: A picture of you last year – how have you changed?

Day 15: Bible verse

Day 16: Dream house

Day 17: Something you’re looking forward to

Day 18: Favorite Place to Eat

Day 19: Something you miss

Day 20: Nicknames

Day 21: Favorite Picture of yourself ALL TIME Why?

Day 22: What’s in your purse?

Day 23: Favorite Movie

Day 24: Something you’ve learned

Day 25: Put your iPod on shuffle, first 10 songs

Day 26: Your Dream Wedding

Day 27: Original Photo of the city you live in

Day 28: Something that stresses you out

Day 29: 3 Wishes

Day 30: a picture of yourself this day and 5 good things that happened since you started the challenge

 

A beautiful day…

It was such a beautiful day today a bit chilly so I decided to go and play golf. I only played nine holes but it was so nice to be out. I played like rubbish but it was such a day. I forgot my camera but i had my phone with me so took some photos.

 

Looking up to the 7th green from the tee

looking back from the 7th tee down the 6th fairway…. the course is looking so green

I jsut kinda caught this one…its pretty rubbish but i was standing on the green and thought I would take a picture!!!

Looking out from the 10th tee across to Fife in the distance and Edinburgh’s disgrace can be seen too!!!

Arthurs Seat….and the crags off the the left. I ahve not climbed up it in ages…i should climb it again soon.

Looking out to North Berwick… across the sea!

From the 10th tee you stand above the 9th green which is kinda weird but I thought it looked quite pretty!

So there is the photos I got from golf today.

 

 

from wheezytux to Just Tux

I decided to have a new name for my blog. I am trying to distance myself from being to focused on my asthma and more focused on just about living life. Tux is a nickname I will have forever and it has its history and its associations with asthma but I feel now it is time to drop the wheezy. I am at a point in my life now where as long as I take my meds my asthma really doesn’t have a major day to day impact any more. So having the wheezy at the front of my blog name brings back memories of the old me. This blog will always hold those memories but I dont need a daily reminder that I used to wheeze 24/7. I can now run laugh hop skip and jump and not have a care in the world.

Asthma will always be something that impacts my life but it will only impact my life as much as I let. it doesnt have control over me any more. I control it and as long as i look after myself eat healthy and exercise well I can live life how I want to not how I am told.

I feel kind of elated just now at shaking the old name off and having a new name. it is the end of a chapter in my life and the start of a new one. Who knows where this chapter will finish but we will just have to wait and see.

 

The other post was a bit miserable

On a plus side I had an awesome day yesterday. I had a golf lesson in the morning which was brilliant. My instructor commented how much more balance I have now since having my knee surgery. I did tell him i thought it was screwed again but he said he couldnt tell from my swing which is a great thing.

We worked on a few wee bits and pieces with my swing and tweaked some stuff. I had lsot some roation in my hips and was pushing my shoulders forward too much so we adjusted it and I now have a Gary Player style practice exercise where instead of finishing my swing and posing I need to go for a walk to stop my shoulders moving forward too much and make sure my hips come through….looks very weird.

We also worked on my short game and adjusted my stance so hopefully i will have more control on my bunker shots…we shall see it was raining so much we couldn’t go outside as the bunker was like a pond.

I now need to put these changes into practice and see the difference it makes. Hopefully I will gain about 20 yards to my shots with the changes!!!

In other news I went to my grandparents for lunch. I am really close to my grandparents and it was so good to see them. They have both been a bit un well recently and seeing them in such good form yesterday was really uplifting. I did leave feeling like I had eaten enough for a small army. I am sure my Granny thinks I dont eat….she bought five packs of sandwich for 3 of us and granny doesnt eat much so i had to eat 3 lots….and 2 bowls of soup!! but it was good soup homemade asparagus soup!

You maybe able to tell that I ahve time off from uni just now as I am not as stressed and able to blog more!

 

Glee is meant to make you feel happy

I like many others are addicted to the Tv programme Glee..with its up beat tunes and story line it normally makes me feel happy and relaxed before going to bed. But this episode was totally out of synch with the season we are in but it also made me cry. It was a christmas episode and as I have blogged before about my hate for christmas and the festive period and how much stress it causes it brought up a whole load of emotion watching it.

Over the recent months I have really struggled with my relationship with my parents. My Dad is brilliant but i feel bad always moaning to him about my mum. My relationship with my  mum is ok to her but for me it is really bad. I feel like if I go round to see her i am just a spare part and she really doesn’t care if I am there or not. I mean its not like with my dad that when i see him we always chat and have family time but when I go to my mum she is always busy telling me how wonderfully the boys are doing or what so and so is doing she never asks me what i am doing or how I am…or if she does mention anything about me it is normally criticising me or asking what i have done to my hair or something…never anything positive. I still feel like a failure to her. i talk about what I am doing at uni and what is going on but it feels like it is falling on deaf ears. And if I call them it is always like she is too busy to talk to me and I feel like I can only call if I have something I need to ask them. Its not like when i call my dad we just chat away…like how it should be. I try so hard to have a good relationship with my mum because after all she is my mum but there are sometimes like just now that I just feel like giving up and go back to the times where i didnt see her at all or see any of that side of my family but deep down I really dont want that. I just want my mum to treat me how she treats my brothers and accept me for who I am not trying to change me.

I spoke a while ago to my dad and he said that he knew how hard things are but that deep down I was really sad when I didnt see my mum and yes that is the truth but there are sometimes its so difficult. I maybe selfish when I say this but she treats my brothers so differently from me. They get so much. I am not materialistic but it does sometimes make me feel like I am not wanted in a  sense when she lavishes things on them. I guess I have a value for money being brought up as I was where as my brother wont at all.

its all kind of come to a head tonight and I just want to go and do weights or hit a golf ball to get some stress out. Most of all I just want a hug from my dad just now. he always knows how to sort things. But i hate always talking about mum to him and about how mum gets to me. its not his place and he doesn’t want to hear about his ex wife but i really have no one else to talk to some times. I should be grateful I have two parents and two step parents which I am but I just wish that now after more than 15 years the pettiness would just go away and the bitching would stop and I would not have to be the go between for them and my brother and things.

Sorry this is a total moan and total ramble but I needed it off my chest. i dont have it all down but oh well. My head now feels like it has been in a blender and everything is mixed up. i try to make sense of the situation and the history but the real truth is that I dont know what is fact and what is fiction and i dont know the truth or the lies from my childhood which i think is what is bugging me deep down and why i get flare ups periodically of this doubt and confusion and upset. When i think I am getting my head round it wham….i feel just as mixed up again.